Life:Reinvented - Tim Brown

Tim grew up as a young boy thinking his life was pretty normal, despite the fact his parents owned a funeral home. However, as time went on Tim soon discovered that he was the 'fat kid'. When faced with the reality of being different, Tim found himself doing what he could to fit in, no matter the cost. Tim was driven by the need to succeed and succeed he did by most standards. Unfortunately, there's more to life than winning and Tim was left feeling more isolated and broken than before. That is until one encounter that drew him to the place where he found all he ever needed to reinvent his life and become the person he was meant to be.

Don't underestimate the power of a transformed life.

notthesame.cfm@gmail.com

Transcript

SPEAKER_01 0:08

As a young child, I had a kind of a unique growing up. I grew up in a funeral home. I was always in church. I really grew up in the all-American home, from what I understood. I was always the fat kid. If I was funny, that's all it took. My dad was depressed a lot. I can't tell my friends that my dad's at a mental hospital.

SPEAKER_00 0:47

You're listening to Not the Same, a podcast that brings you true stories of real people sharing their personal testimonies of transformation. I'm your host, Rachel Heinberg. Welcome back to the newest season of your favorite podcast. Because life just keeps getting busier, this season seems to be off to a bit of a slow start. Thankfully, my faithful listeners are quick to remind me, and so I am trying my hardest to find the time I need to get more episodes published. We are currently in the middle of a revival with Pastor Roman Gutierrez from McCallan, Texas. He was here almost four years ago, and it was an incredible time of growth for our church. If some of you recall, two previous guests of this podcast, Houston and Sheen Rendell, were products of that revival and are still serving with us today. If you haven't yet, please go back and have a listen to their stories. This time around, Pastor Gutierrez brought with him a long-standing member of the McCallan Church, Mr. Tim Brown. And of course, I quickly realized that I needed to get his testimony while he was here. Truth be told, it was my husband who suggested it after just their first conversation together. I concurred. In just a few short days, I've grown to appreciate the blessing he and his family are to both his church and his community. But the treasure is in the telling, and I am very privileged to have this opportunity to listen as he shares his story of transformation. So let's get started. First of all, thank you very much for taking the time to do this.

SPEAKER_01 2:06

Thank you for having me, Rachel.

SPEAKER_00 2:07

I appreciate it.

SPEAKER_01 2:08

Being in South Africa has been kind of a dream of my life to come here. And so get to do this while I'm in South Africa. Who could ask for more?

SPEAKER_00 2:16

That's great. Normally I just have people start with how they grew up, their background, and feel free to elaborate. Don't feel you have to rush through.

SPEAKER_01 2:25

Okay, so if you want to hear my story, it starts at the beginning. For sure. And as a young child, I had a kind of a unique growing up. I grew up in a funeral home because my parents ran the local funeral home. So they had the opportunity to meet many ministers throughout the community because doing funerals at different churches. My earliest memories, I can remember going to an Assembly of God church for a little while, but I had to be just a little guy, like nursery. And I think my memories mainly are people there because they became lifelong friends. My mom and dad settled at the first Baptist church in our community that we were at. And I was very involved. The music minister was best friends with my parents. And so that's how we were there. I I don't know how things went later, but early in life, all I ever wanted to be, everyone would ask me, What do you want to be? I want to be a pastor. I want to be a pastor. I want to be a pastor until about the age of seven or eight. That was my standard answer. Going to church in a Baptist church, that's not really cultivated. I want to be a pastor, but then nobody really followed up on that.

SPEAKER_00 3:25

You don't remember what made you decide?

SPEAKER_01 3:27

What was it that drew you? From a very young age, anytime the doors are open, you're going to be in church. And so I was always in church. And we had the Awanas program, which Awanas is it's basically through the Baptist church. It's a scripture memory thing, it's a competition and there's games. I've always been very competitive. And so I was state champion of Awanas. Like I memorized more scripture than anyone. This was my thing because I always wanted to be top of everything. And so it just kind of was embedded in me. I was so enjoyed those days. But then somewhere along the line, I can point to it really, it was around seventh grade. I always went to a small private school. And then seventh grade opened up my eyes because sixth grade, private school is over, you go to public school. And so I ended up in a school that was very different than what I was used to. Now there's all kinds of kids there. And I can remember, and this is going to sound horrible, particularly for this podcast, but I can remember the first time I heard a kid cuss, and I thought, this is amazing. There's someone out there that says the words I hear these adults saying. I didn't know that you could say that. Yeah. And for some reason, that was intriguing to me. So it kind of pushed me off in a different direction there.

SPEAKER_00 4:36

So until seventh grade, you would say you obviously were very sheltered from the world's and sin acts of sin. What was your home life like? I can assume that it was fairly peaceful, but I don't always want to assume. Going to church all the time, did you go as a family, or was it just mainly you and your mom?

SPEAKER_01 4:55

Or we went as a family, but my mom was definitely more dedicated than my father was. And I really grew up in the all-American home, from what I understood. As I got older and I was able to see the dynamics of what happens between my mom and dad, I realized that it wasn't what my mind had told me it was. Some of these things I don't know other than stories for my mom. My dad was very, I'll use the word abusive towards my sister. And if you know my sister today, a lot of the issues that she struggles with probably are the things that my dad put into her. My mom says every night she would come into my room while I'm asleep, rub my bag, you're a good boy, you're going to be successful. She says, I tried to offset everything that he would put into you, but I never saw any of that. And I don't have any recollection of my dad ever treating me the same way he treated my sister.

SPEAKER_00 5:47

When you say abusive, do you mean like verbally?

SPEAKER_01 5:50

Yeah, very much so. Okay. The way he would speak to her. Right. Being a father myself and seeing all the different personalities of each, I can understand where maybe the frustration is. She actually was a daughter from a previous marriage. And from everything I hear, there's a lot of similarities in the way she behaves and the way her mother was. And I could see where there would be some difficult So you guys shared a father. We shared a father. Not a mother. That is correct.

SPEAKER_00 6:17

Okay. So that makes sense because unfortunately you do see that a lot, where the child who reminds you of bad relationship or bad marriage, they get the brunt of that because the person they actually don't like is no longer in their life. But you said you don't remember your father being that way towards you.

SPEAKER_01 6:34

No, not towards me. And real honestly, when I was little, we were best friends. I was with him everywhere. If he was going, I'm like, where are we going? I mentioned to your son Greg the other day, my dad, he did a clown thing on the side, besides being a funeral director, a clown.

SPEAKER_00 6:46

No, I don't know, but they go together, but and so I was always his sidekick.

SPEAKER_01 6:50

And so he would chain my hands together, hold me by my ankles, and I'd get the chains undone, and the kids would go, ooh. And so we just did a lot together. And I never really had many issues with my father until once again, seventh to eighth grade. I'm coming into my preteens, my teen years, and I can understand that it may not have been all him that the issue. Uh that definitely could have been a lot of the influence that that I had on that relationship.

SPEAKER_00 7:14

Yeah. So once you get into, let's say, middle school, junior high, you definitely notice like, wait a minute, there is something besides what I've known. And girls. And girls. Yeah, of course. So maybe talk about that. Did you immediately just go wild or did you kind of let's like explore what changed within you and then how did that affect your family life?

SPEAKER_01 7:37

To back up and give some perspective, I was always the fat kid. And so I was always overweight, always the fat kid. So that forced me to compensate my personality as far as being funny, that kind of thing. Because the other fact is they got picked on. Yes. And I didn't want to be picked on. And so I knew that I had to have something. And so even from a very young age, I knew that if I was funny, that's all it took. And everyone wanted to hang out with me. And it didn't matter that I was moving into junior high. And then I realized that there's girls, you know, and I knew that I had to have something different. And so I was always trying to be funny. Yeah. But at the same time, I saw a whole different element that I'd never seen in the small Christian school. I was very intrigued by that. And even to a point that I wanted to be involved in a lot of things, but then I'd see them get in trouble. I didn't want to get in trouble. So I was almost on the outskirts of that little group, but close enough that it really impacted me.

SPEAKER_00 8:31

Okay. You struggled with your weight, even as a child.

SPEAKER_01 8:33

Yes. Yes, ma'am.

SPEAKER_00 8:34

Was there a reason for that, or was it just genetics, you think?

SPEAKER_01 8:37

It was somewhat genetics, and my mom still to this day doesn't eat vegetables.

SPEAKER_00 8:41

But just family environment. No, I'm just curious because I know sometimes there's a reason that kids some sort of thing at home.

SPEAKER_01 8:52

Let me step back real quick. So growing up, my dad was he was depressed a lot.

SPEAKER_00 8:57

Okay.

SPEAKER_01 8:57

And so I didn't even notice this even as a youngster, but I'm getting to this age, like seventh, eighth grade, where I'm starting to realize things. And he would go into his room and he would shut off the lights for days at a time. He wouldn't come out. And mind you, that this is the man that in our city was one of the most popular people you can imagine in the city. Everybody, everywhere you'd go, I mean, you couldn't go down to the grocery store with him because it's going to take two hours. Everybody wants to talk to him. You can't go get gas because everybody wants to talk to him. He just was that person. Even to this day, he's been dead for 13 years now. And even to this day, people will stop me and say, Hey, one time your dad, and they'll tell me these stories. Everyone has a story about dad. But when I would go in there, when he was in one of these moods where the lights would be off, I'd say, Hey, Dad, let's go, let's go eat somewhere. No, I don't feel like performing. And so I never understood that. And then there was a day that he came to me and he says, and I'd see him disappear for a week or so, but I didn't really know what that was about. He came to me and he says, I'm going to be gone for about two months. I'd be honest, I don't know what's going on. I said, Dad, what do you mean? And so he says, I have some mental issues. And so he checked himself into a mental hospital. And so I didn't know at the time to ask questions. So I don't know if it was like a rehab or if it was just a mental hospital. And so I know that he checked himself into one and he took a couple of months. And I can remember him coming back and how difficult it was for him to enter back into society after being in an inpatient treatment. But at that time, you know, we're talking 30 years ago, mental health wasn't spoken about. I would assume that if he went today, the whole city would rally around and be like, this is amazing that you're taking care of yourself. But in those days, hey, Tim, you're not allowed to talk about where I'm going. Just because it was shameful. It was very shameful. And so even I can't tell my friends that my dad's at a mental hospital. You say that, and all of a sudden it's like, oh, your dad is ridiculous. It's crazy. And so I can remember that. And you know, at the time I just didn't understand enough of that. And there was no talk. Now you walk into a school and every counselor there is talking about your mental health. And at that time, mental health wasn't what the counselors talked about. They want to know why you're misbehaving.

SPEAKER_00 11:07

Did your mom talk to you about it? I mean, it was like one of the things you never had a conversation with my mom about it. Wow. Yeah. So for you, how did you process that? Obviously, you said you're with your dad all the time, but now you've seen his struggles. You don't understand why, but now he's gone.

SPEAKER_02 11:23

Right.

SPEAKER_00 11:24

Looking back, obviously, as an adult, did that do something in you? Did it change you? And did you find it difficult?

SPEAKER_01 11:30

You know, he came back and he told me some stories, and it was like living in a group home, and he'd call today we're gonna go see a movie. So then you have this little group of people who go see a movie. And I never understood that. I'm like, this is weird. I mean, to me, I just didn't understand. And so then he'd come back and oh, we went out in public and we had such a good time, everything was good. So if I gave his history, I mean I could tell you some stuff about his childhood that he finally shared with me as an adulthood. That would be his story to tell. But I see where those demons came from.

SPEAKER_00 12:01

We can assume there's probably some sort of abuse. Yeah, I don't mind sharing some of that. Okay.

SPEAKER_01 12:06

Okay. He grew up in a very poor home. And where I live is a Hispanic culture. And so the Hispanic culture, they migrate. A lot of them migrate for work. So, somewhat, if you say something like I'm a migrant or you're a migrant, sometimes people look down on you. And the Anglo culture, where he grew up, cedar choppers, that was almost an insult to call someone a cedar chopper, but that's what his family did. Is that they would go and they would chop cedar trees for like fence posts and that kind of thing, follow the weather back and forth. Okay. And so he was the middle child of nine. And so there was nine children. And he describes his dad being an alcoholic. We all slept in one bed. His joke always was, we never knew who wet the bed until Johnny got married and moved out, and no one wet the bed anymore. But so that's just the type of lie. So when he meets my mom, he says, I want you to come meet my mother.

unknown 12:48

Okay.

SPEAKER_01 12:49

And so they go to the house. My grandmother tells my mom, Why would you want to marry Rick? He doesn't know what he's doing. He won't have any of the goats. Pick one of his brothers. They have all the goats, they know what they're doing.

SPEAKER_00 12:59

Wow.

SPEAKER_01 13:00

And this is my mom's first impression.

SPEAKER_00 13:02

This is the family culture here.

SPEAKER_01 13:03

Right. So very much into bestiality. I have cousins that are about three foot tall, have hair lip, and I'd ask, What happened to them? Brother and sister having children. Yes. Okay. And so that is the environment he grew up in. The demons he fought, and some of the things that he would tell me in hindsight when I knew these stories, I realized correct the way you were raised.

SPEAKER_00 13:26

Which actually, when you look at it that way and you see how well he came out and how well he dealt with life, that actually So he was a high school dropout.

SPEAKER_01 13:37

He never made it past the ninth grade. He was colorblind. He didn't realize he was colorblind. And so he'd tell stories he did kindergarten four times because he wouldn't color anything the right color. He didn't realize until he got his draft card and they said, What do you see in this little shape that he was colorblind? He just thought he was stupid. And so in ninth grade, he dropped out. But then to see him go on to be on a school board in the city, to run a successful business, to have several buildings in the city of Mission with his name on them, it's pretty impressive. I mean, it's quite remarkable. But he always had those demons. He would go to church, like I mentioned. When Barbara and I got married, it was a year and a half before he died. And that was the first time I ever saw him raise his hand and answer an altar call. That's awesome. Yeah. And so, you know, the end of his life, I feel like he got it right with God, but he spent all those 64 years fighting it.

SPEAKER_00 14:28

For sure. And it's crazy because when you think about your childhood and how much worse it could have been.

SPEAKER_02 14:34

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 14:35

Because when you don't have a revelation of salvation, you're bound to repeat things. And so just the fact that he was able to work so hard to try to maintain some level of normalcy in your home is absolutely remarkable.

SPEAKER_02 14:50

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 14:51

So that's interesting to me. And then you telling your story. Now you're in middle school, because this is when puberty hits the store. Life changes happen. And I remember being a middle schooler and I felt like my whole world was going crazy. You don't know what's happening in your brain, in your body. And so now this stuff's happening with your dad at the same time. So if we go back to that, was that the only time that he went into that?

SPEAKER_01 15:13

That was the only time when I was growing up that he went.

SPEAKER_00 15:16

And then did you find did you see it in improvement at all when he came back, or was it just this out to maintenance?

SPEAKER_01 15:22

I saw the problem before, other than the hanging out in the room with the lights off. And I wasn't aware enough to realize that maybe every dad does that. I don't know. True. I I know kind of around that same time period, I think I started driving my mom a little crazy. And so her way of dealing with me, like particularly during the summertime, was instead of sitting at home, you're going to go to the church. And in our church, we had four deacons, and they were all in their 80s. And these guys were amazing. I didn't appreciate them enough at the time, but they were all amazing. And the things they taught me, I always tell a joke, I always say, Man, these guys could teach me to make water run uphill. But at the time I hated it. And for instance, I'll give you a good example. We live in South Texas. It's 100 degrees, 105 degrees all the time. And I ride my bike over there. And so I show up one morning and there's about 55-gallon buckets of black tar, all these mops. I'm like, what are we doing? Well, today we're going to redo the parking lot. And I'm thinking, what am I doing here? And mind you, I would do about 10 square feet while they would do a thousand. But I learned so much from them. And people that look at me today, they say, Man, you're such a hard worker. You never stop. And I realized that didn't come from my father. That came from those four men that invested in me. And even today, as I look back on my salvation now, I realize that the four men that were in that Baptist church, they changed my future.

SPEAKER_00 16:39

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 16:39

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 16:39

For sure. Denomination doesn't represent all the people, and people don't represent all the denomination. And so God uses anybody. So that was happening at the same time. And so you mentioned for a little while you were just kind of on the outskirts of not doing too much. When would you say it shifted to where you really you started willfully so I met a girl and things progressed quickly?

SPEAKER_01 17:00

I was about 15 years old. That's when things changed because my focus became this girl. In hindsight, I'm able to look at all the disasters of my life from about 15 to about 32, 33. And all of it has to do with a decision I made when I was 15. Yeah. It was very difficult for me. Even me choosing the career I chose had to do with me being able to find a career that I could make some money, get in and out of schooling very quickly. It had nothing to do with wanting to help my community, wanting to be a funeral director. It had to do with a girl. That's where things really went south. Remember that I was overweight. And so I have someone that's really paying attention to me. And I lost my virginity very young. This relationship was bad from the very beginning. And I'm talking bad from the very beginning. I mean, young 15-year-old, I would find out that she was cheating on me and that kind of thing. But I'm overweight and I don't have a good self-esteem. And I'm thinking there's no one else that's going to want me. And I've got someone that wants me, even though things aren't perfect. And so that really changed my trajectory in life. And it also changed so much about being in church. I was obviously now pushing back. I don't want to be in church. I don't want to be around these old men. We had church camps, which were summer camps. And that was one of those things where you'd come back from church camp worse than you went.

SPEAKER_00 18:21

Because you just throw a bunch of kids alone together and do whatever you want to do.

SPEAKER_01 18:25

And real honestly, I mean we had such little supervision. I mean, it was beyond little supervision. And then I was manipulative enough to tell my mom and dad, like, hey, you know, my girlfriend's interested in getting safe. She needs to go to church camp. And so this ended up being a lot of sneaking around and a lot of things that shouldn't have shouldn't have been going on at a church camp. You know, I hear my daughters talk about the fellowship boot camp. And when they come back and they tell these stories, and you know, I can't even relate. And honestly, I think I went to eight years of church camp and I don't have a single memory of something that was positive there. Or wholesome. Or wholesome. Yeah, that's the right word. But they would have what they'd call chapel. I skipped every one of them, and there was nobody that came to look for me, you know. And so that really was the time period where I just started pushing back. When I turned 19, 18, actually, I graduated from high school and I walked on a Friday, received my diploma. My mom and dad dropped me off on Monday in Dallas at an apartment I started mortuary school up there. Wow. And so, like I said, my whole goal was to just figure out a way to make money so I can be with this girl.

SPEAKER_00 19:32

And were you planning on getting married? Was that your goal?

SPEAKER_01 19:34

Yes, but she was one year younger than me and she was still in high school.

SPEAKER_00 19:37

So you were gonna spend that year, go to school and be ready as so that she was graduated. You were gonna get married. Okay.

SPEAKER_01 19:44

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 19:44

Was there any pregnancies during this time?

SPEAKER_01 19:47

No. In hindsight, she's not able to have children.

SPEAKER_00 19:51

Okay.

SPEAKER_01 19:51

And so that was obviously found after testing and all that kind of stuff.

SPEAKER_00 19:55

Actually, it might have been a blessing.

SPEAKER_01 19:57

It was a blessing. No, and it certainly was. Yeah, okay.

SPEAKER_00 20:00

So you graduated, you're in Mortaris Girl.

SPEAKER_01 20:03

And during this time, she's not faithful to me. Red flag, a red flag.

SPEAKER_00 20:06

Look, if we pause for a second, even kids that grow up into what we would say in air quotes semi-normal upbringing, you clearly had the same signs of rejection that everyone does. I mean, just being overweight as a child, you're automatically ostracized. Yeah, you were the funny guy, but that's compensating because you already feel like I am different. Right. And so of course it's going to manifest in this relationship. You've already said you feel like you couldn't get anyone else. And you just subject yourself to this abuse. This is just a toxic relationship. That's it makes perfect sense now.

SPEAKER_01 20:42

So let me back up a little bit, okay? When my dad was doing this whole lean in his room thing and all that, my mom decided that she's gonna live her life.

SPEAKER_02 20:53

Okay.

SPEAKER_01 20:54

And so my mom would go every single day with the pastor's wife. They just live their own life. They'd travel together, they'd do everything together every day. And so I wouldn't see my mom. My mom and dad at this point in my life were they were almost never together. And this is about the same time, junior high there. And so they were almost never together.

SPEAKER_00 21:13

And never home.

SPEAKER_01 21:14

Never home. And so we were latchkey kids. And when I say we, in ninth grade, I had a cousin who I'd never met. We go to a family reunion and they're like, hey, go talk to his name's Greg. Greg's sitting here. But anyway, his name is Greg. And so he says, Go talk to Greg. I said, Who's Greg? Oh, he's your cousin. Well, he's like a third cousin twice or month, something like that. Yeah. But Greg would have a problem at home. And so there's a lot of issues. And so the next day it's time to leave. And I see Greg is just livid over here, yelling at his mom. And my dad's carrying a suitcase to our car. And so Greg comes to live with us. Greg and I become best of friends. I mean, we just loved every second of being with each other. And so his last name was Sweeney, my last name was Brown. And so the teachers never put two and two together. That we live in the same house. We were able to problem waiting to same grades. So we're in the same classes. For me at that age, this is awesome. You know, and we were just terrorizing teachers. And it was great. We loved every second of it. But Greg had a history of drinking and that kind of thing. I'd never experienced that because my parents weren't drinkers.

SPEAKER_02 22:23

Okay.

SPEAKER_01 22:23

And so anytime my parents were out of town, Greg and I found a way to get some alcohol. Um, and so a young man at FCA one time told me in high school, he says, So do you drink every time your parents are out of town? And I said, Well, yeah. And he says, Well, that means you're an alcoholic if you can't stop yourself from drinking when they're out of town. Because I'd only do it when my parents were gone. It's not like every day, but I never thought of myself as not being able to resist drinking.

SPEAKER_02 22:49

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 22:49

And that conversation has always stuck with me. That young man that told me that he ended up dying in a motorcycle accident. And I I never had a chance to go back and say, Thank you for having that conversation with me.

SPEAKER_00 22:59

Wow. So when you said we, it was you and Greg. Greg.

SPEAKER_01 23:03

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 23:04

Okay. So what happened when you graduated and you Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 23:08

So when I went off to mortuary school, drinking was a huge part of it. I was underage. So I couldn't find drinks myself. So there was a gentleman that went to mortuary school with me, and he was probably about 13, 14 years older than me.

SPEAKER_00 23:22

Okay.

SPEAKER_01 23:23

And he was definitely an alcoholic. And so I would just hang out with him.

SPEAKER_00 23:27

Sorry, well, quick. What about Greg?

SPEAKER_01 23:29

Greg went off to Texas AM. He went off his way. And honestly, that's about where Greg and I's relationship pretty much stopped. And so even in mortuary school, I can remember going in between like first and second period, going out to the truck and chugging a beer with my buddy and then coming back in. But everybody was drinking. They introduced me to a drink called Jungle Juice. I remember waking up, having no idea where I was at. I had no idea where my truck was at. Took me three days to find my vehicle because I asked everybody that was there, wow, where did I come from? Where did you see me? How did I get here?

SPEAKER_00 23:59

Obviously, now looking back, you realize you did have a drinking problem, but you never saw it at the time.

SPEAKER_01 24:04

No, I never saw it.

SPEAKER_00 24:05

And this whole time you're in school, you have this girlfriend. Would you see her? Like when school.

SPEAKER_01 24:10

Yeah, I would drive home about every once a month or so. Okay.

SPEAKER_00 24:14

But meanwhile, she's living her own life, right? Doing whatever. Okay. How long is in Mortuary school?

SPEAKER_01 24:20

It's about 15 months. Okay. Then I come back home and shortly thereafter I get married. Things are bad from the very beginning. But once again, that's me and being overweight. I was still overweight. And it was just one of those things. And I hate to say that because it sounds like such a cop-out, like, hey, you didn't make good decisions because you had one bad thing in your life. But the truth is that was a big part of my factoring.

SPEAKER_00 24:42

No, for sure. Because it's not about the weight, just like it wasn't about the alcohol. Right. It's about obviously we know sin, but it's just about rejection. It's about you needing something to feel like you think everyone else feels. Never mind, everyone else is struggling with their own things. I don't think it's a cop out because for someone else it's going to be another issue. For someone else, it's another issue. But I think we underestimate your body image or your like your mental health. And that that all plays into everything we do in life. And so you're finding this acceptance by this girl. When you got married, how old were you?

SPEAKER_01 25:18

19. Okay. Yeah, 19. And what I ended up doing is my dad and I ended up opening up our own funeral home, basically of me insisting. And my dad had a heart attack when I was 22. From that point on, he basically never worked again. He ended up having two heart surgeries, open heart surgeries. I know people that have open heart surgeries and they come back full of life, ready to go. I would always tell him, I said, Dad, you died on the operating table because you never came back from that. And so he never worked again. So basically at 22 years old, I'm running a business I know nothing about. I have no idea how to run it, but I'm running it on his reputation. So we're getting business because he had built this reputation. I have no clue what to do. But what I did was all the issues I'm having at home, all the marriage issues, everything, I just sucked myself into work. I wouldn't come home for days at a time. I wasn't making any money, and so I was broke. The Baptist church that I went to, they called me and said, Hey, would you like to be our youth pastor? I have no experience. I know nothing about anything, and I'm an alcoholic. And I said, Of course, I'd love to be your youth pastor. It pays money. And so I did that.

SPEAKER_00 26:20

So crazy. That's such a church world, but it's so crazy.

SPEAKER_01 26:23

Yeah, yeah. And so I did that for about a year and a half until I could get on my feet.

SPEAKER_00 26:28

So let me just pause there for a second, because that's super crazy. So, how did you process that?

SPEAKER_01 26:32

My mom was best friends with the pastor's life. And so they loved me.

SPEAKER_00 26:35

And so it didn't really matter.

SPEAKER_01 26:36

No, but they didn't see the alcohol. I was uh I was very good functioning alcohol. I would drink at home.

SPEAKER_00 26:42

So you were still there Sundays here there?

SPEAKER_01 26:44

No, I didn't go to church anymore. But they knew me. I was a church kid. I grew up in church.

SPEAKER_00 26:48

And did your wife ever go to church?

SPEAKER_01 26:50

Not that church. Yeah. I mean, obviously, when I'm youth pastor, she did. We're making money. We have to look nice. Well, we have to keep the income coming in, otherwise, we can't pay our bills.

SPEAKER_00 27:00

Wow. So how long you said a year?

SPEAKER_01 27:02

About a year, year and a half.

SPEAKER_00 27:03

And what changed?

SPEAKER_01 27:04

I didn't enjoy it. And one of the things that that's kind of interesting is the kids love me, but I could always tell when the parents were upset with me because the kids would come back and like hate me that day, you know. And the parents had every right to be irritated with me. I mean, the most I did was we played ping pong like all the time. I mean, I became like a great ping pong player. And that's but that's the extent of what I knew. Yeah. I all I knew is these kids are not on the street and we're playing ping pong and eating lots of pizza. And so we did that for about a year and a half, and then just full time into the funeral. I'm just full time into the business. And I still didn't have much money in those days. I had this old truck, I think it was a 78 Ford F-100, and you could see me coming because the white smoke would lead the way. But that's what I had. Yeah. And then there was a like a 1984 K car. I don't know if you ever heard a K car. Anybody that's cool has never heard of that car. And so this lady passes away, and her house is a mess. And so I talked to her son, and he says, Well, if you clean her house, I'll give you that old car. Man, I mean, I didn't have to drive the truck with the white smoke anymore. So, I mean, it was an upgrade. I got myself an 84K car. But that's the life I was living at the time. It didn't bother me because I was just working non-stop. And so that started causing more marriage issues. She was very jealous of the time that I would spend there at the office versus coming home. We still had the same issues, still had the same issues with infidelity and all that kind of stuff.

SPEAKER_00 28:29

And the drinking did it get worse, or you just kept it maintained because you still had your business. Yeah, no.

SPEAKER_01 28:33

And I think somewhat because of what I do for a living, picking up people that pass away, drinking dry. I always had a designated driver if I went somewhere. And if you go to a bar, everybody's drinking. Nobody's judging you at a bar.

SPEAKER_00 28:42

But you are what we would call nowadays, you are a responsible drinker.

SPEAKER_01 28:46

Responsible drinking. Yeah. Okay. I also have been very business oriented. And so I wouldn't drink in functions where I'm representing the business. But if I'm at the bar, I drink. If I'm at home with my friends, I drink. That type of thing. To give you kind of a summary of kind of my business orientation, how my mind works, even in those younger days. So when I'm 11, I asked my mom, she says, What do you want for your birthday? I said, I want a lawnmower. I said, Why do you want a lawnmower? So we cut grass. So I start cutting grass for people in the city of Mission. Then I can't get all the yards because some of them are like, Where's your weed eater? I don't have one. So for Christmas, I asked for a weed eater. And so I cut grass for everybody in this entire city. When I'm 16, I get my driver's license. And my dad was always like, You pay half, I'll pay half. I mean, anything we wanted. And so it didn't matter. I mean, if I said I wanted a skateboard, you pay half, I pay half. And I don't know why he did that, other than he wanted me to get some responsibility. For sure. And so I'm 16 years old and I said, Dad, I'm ready to buy a truck. And he says, Okay, you want to pay half? I'll pay half. And I said, Sure. I walk in, I hand him$15,000.

SPEAKER_00 29:49

Wow. And stars, what year was this? I was 16 years old. So what year?

SPEAKER_01 29:54

That had to be like 91.

SPEAKER_00 29:56

That's a good amount of money. 91.

SPEAKER_01 29:58

But mind you, I cut grass like a mad person. He went and got a loan for his part. And so I'm driving a brand new truck. So my mom goes with her friend to Puerto Rico. I'm actually at home. I've had this truck for one week. Me and my girlfriend are in the truck, and I see this fire. And I'm like, let's go check out this fire. We get there, the wind shifts, and now I'm in the smoke and I can hear the fire trucks coming. The fire truck hits us, throws us into the fire.

SPEAKER_02 30:25

Oh.

SPEAKER_01 30:25

And my dad's like, let's not tell your mom until she gets back from Puerto Rico. So the first thing she comes back and says, Hey, where's your truck? And so I showed her the front page of the newspaper and I was like, hey, here's the messed up truck. So work ethic has always been something that I have. And once again, a lot of that goes back to those old men that were at the church.

SPEAKER_00 30:43

So during this time, obviously, we chatted the last couple of days a bit. From 22, you're basically running this business by yourself. And then there's a number of years I know you've adopted a couple of children. Right. So maybe let's talk about the next chapter, how that goes in your life, because I know you didn't get saved till later.

SPEAKER_01 31:06

Living my life, we decide that we wanted to try to have children. My wife has a congenital disorder where she's not able to have children. She did get pregnant. We carried a baby to eight months and lost the baby. And so that was pretty devastating. Um immediately after that, she got her tubes tied because I'm done. I'm not ever going to deal with this again. And so the hurt and the pain they kind of went through was pretty severe, particularly on her.

SPEAKER_00 31:32

How old were you guys when this happened?

SPEAKER_01 31:34

I would say we're probably about 24. Okay. And I wanted to have children, but it wasn't happening. It is what it is. And so I find this little boy, it had to be 2002. I don't know how old I was. 25. Yeah, 25 years. So anyway, I find this little boy, make a long story short, and he's got some major health issues. And so the doctors don't expect him to live. He's on oxygen, he's on a feeding tube, he was born premature. He'd already had open heart surgery. And I kind of manipulate my way into getting him into my house. And then at that point, we just adopt him. And so because he was abandoned and there was a Catholic nun that was in charge of him, she was not happy with me, particularly because I wasn't Catholic. But it got to a point where she didn't know what to do with the little boy. So she just kind of washed her hands and I was able to go through the court proceedings. And so we didn't really know if he's gonna live or not. Yeah, he has lived. He's a great kid. Well, he's not even a kid, he's an adult now, and he brings pleasure to everyone that knows him. So he's amazing. So we were raising him, and then Sadie comes into our life, uh, little girl that we adopted also. She was probably four, maybe five years old. Both of her parents had passed away, and we ended up adopting her. My wife and I, after we adopted her, within a year, we were separated.

SPEAKER_00 32:49

Wow.

SPEAKER_01 32:49

And then within a year and a half, we're divorced.

SPEAKER_00 32:52

How far apart did you adopt them? How many years was it in between the two?

SPEAKER_01 32:56

Because I know the ages are different, but yeah, they're pretty close in age, but there's about six years in between the adoption.

SPEAKER_00 33:02

So in those years, was there a particular instance that kind of made it worse, or was it just everything snowballing to where it was just incompatible?

SPEAKER_01 33:12

Think that my ex-wife really wanted to adopt another child. I was all in. And so I think that that was part of it. The other thing is that my ex-wife, it just seemed like she could never be faithful. We were always having some sort of issue. And I'll be honest, there's some infidelity on my part also. And so I can't sit here and give anyone else all the blame on this.

SPEAKER_00 33:31

Sinners sin.

SPEAKER_01 33:32

Yeah, you were both sinners. I've always been into hunting, big time hunting. I do a lot of hunting. And so my best buddy and I, we'd do a lot of hunting together. And so one day she says, Hey, I think I want to kill a deer. And I said, Okay, I'll take you. You and I in a blind, it just doesn't, we're gonna argue, or just you're gonna be too. And so I said, Why don't you let him teach you that? And he'll take you out. And so they would go and scout for this deer every day, twice a day. And then I got a call from her work. She's actually his kid's teacher. So she's a teacher, and I got a call that she didn't show up, and they said, Well, do you know where she's at? And I said, Well, she's there at school with y'all. No, she's not, and so then I get a call from his wife and says, Hey, have you seen my husband? And that's when two and two together. For some reason, that was the one that I just said, I'm done. Yeah, I'm done. And I don't know why that one versus any of the other ones. I don't know why that one versus my infidelity. I don't know why that relationship personal.

SPEAKER_00 34:26

You felt betrayed by both people, not just the one person.

SPEAKER_01 34:29

And I just said, I'm done. And I don't know that she took me serious. She even came back and went, hey, you know, I'm done. I'm done. And so at that point, I start going to this church in town because all these things that my mom taught me as a kid, they're coming back to me. Okay. And so I start going to this church in town, and it's a very strange church. Now I look back at it. At the time, I thought, man, this pastor's cool. We drank a few beers together. He wasn't a dress-up guy. He had flip-flops on, and then he had a little carpet on the stage where he's at. So he'd take off his shoes and preach in his flip-flops, and then I'd run into him at HEB, which is our grocery store, and he'd say, Hey, what do you think of this beer? I'd say, I don't know, let's try it. And so we'd go to his house and drink a beer or two.

SPEAKER_00 35:06

What was it a denomination? Community church or something? Yeah, it was a community church.

SPEAKER_01 35:09

And his dad was a founder in another city, and then he moved to here to open a satellite up, and there's no leadership other than dad. And in hindsight, I realized how weird that was, but I also looked at how destroyed my life was. And I think if I walked into somewhere like our church where there's actual structure, I don't know that I could have jumped into that. So it was like baby steps. Right. And so I find in this church, I find that I've got to do something different. Okay. And so that's where I'm at there. And honestly, I thought I was in a really good spot because I have a church, my kids are going to church.

SPEAKER_00 35:41

So um, up until this point, when you get to that church, have you verbally recommitted your life at all? Or you just feel like I am on the right path. I'm doing good.

SPEAKER_01 35:51

Yeah, I never went back to church after leaving the youth pastor. So I never went back to a church. So now we're 32, 33 years old. And so now I'm going to this church. But even then, I didn't have a raise your hand moment or anything like that. You know, just like I'm doing better. Right. And we only had church on Sunday morning. So it was, you know, it wasn't a huge commitment, but I met a lot of people there and I really liked the people. All the people were just like me and the pastor. Drink a little and don't wear shoes. And so then I was still obviously very involved in my business. And so through my business, I meet this hospice nurse, and she starts referring business to me, and she has a loss in her family. I'm able to help her through that loss. And I ended up realizing that she was divorced. I knew that I was divorced at this point. And so I asked her out on a date, and she was just almost rude about it. No. And what's interesting was before she was a hospice nurse, she was a nurse to my parents at the doctor's office that they would go to. Okay. So she knew my parents, and that was one of the first questions she asked me, Hey, are these your parents? I'm like, Yeah. And so I thought that was a good thing. Like, now you want to date me? But no, it's still no. And I'll never forget because I asked her out on a date, and she's like, No, that's not what I do. And she hands me a flyer to the church, and I'm thinking, what the heck is this? I didn't understand all that. I'm a fairly persistent guy. You can probably figure that through some of the stories I've told you. And so I continue every time I talk to her and say, Hey, I really think that maybe we should go out on a date. And finally, one day she agrees to go on a date, but it's unusual. She's like, hey, but we go where I want to go. And I said, Okay, that's fine. Make a long story short. She invites me to a Bible study. I can remember sitting there and just feeling kind of lost. Like, I don't really understand why I'm here. It wasn't a shocker to the point that I was really freaked out because I'd been going to this other church. So I had some recent Christianity in my life.

SPEAKER_00 37:39

Probably just more so that you thought it was going to be a date. Right. And now you're at a Bible study.

SPEAKER_01 37:43

What I didn't realize is that our fellowship, when you don't have a father, if you're a female, there's a lot of the older guys that protect you. For sure. And so even day one, I had people saying, What are you here with Barbara for? And I didn't know how to respond. I don't know. Yeah, I didn't know how to respond to that. And she I thought she was cute. And she exactly she was hard to catch. And so, no, we're not doing a date or anything like that. So, long story short, everyone else, they do what the door does. Yeah. They follow up on me. You know, and so now I'm like, forget Barbara. I'm gonna hang out with these people because they follow up on me. They're cool, they like hanging out with me. I start hanging out with everyone at the door. I start going to the door and I learn a lot and I assimilate. These are the people I really enjoy being around. And so after going to church for a significant amount of time, about eight months, Barbara's like, okay, I see something.

SPEAKER_00 38:31

So let me ask you this. When do you point to your salvation moment? When was it very clear to you that you were like, I realize now that I need more than just church? I need Jesus.

SPEAKER_01 38:42

So I started going to concerts first, which is unusual for me because I don't like music.

SPEAKER_00 38:47

But I'll forgive you.

SPEAKER_01 38:49

Yeah. But it was because I was going to Sunday morning service already at another church. And so this was an easy transition. And so obviously, everybody I met at this church was very different than everybody I met at the other church, and everybody I grew up with in the Baptist church. I mean, there was something very different. And I can remember going about a month or so to concerts, and then I'd start showing up to Sunday morning my service. I'd go to the early service at the other church, so I could make an 11 o'clock service here. So then I'd start hitting both services. And I remember thinking, I can do this, I can do both churches. I can do that. I like both sets here. But it became so obvious to me that this isn't working because it's night and day. I can't go to this church and say, Yeah, yeah, let's go drink, and then come over here and say, No, we're not gonna drink. I can remember not even planning on leaving the first church, but I remember I raised my hand on a Sunday morning and that was it. I just never went back to the other church. This is where God wants me. Yeah, and at that point it had nothing to do with barbering. For sure. I'm glad she married me. I mean, that's the best thing that God's ever given me. But at the end of the day, that's not what it was anymore. No, it was a relationship with God.

SPEAKER_00 39:52

Yeah, and obviously your whole story, just like we know with everyone's story, it's about that whole being filled. And you looked for it in relationships and alcohol, even finding a tidbit of that in them just reaching out and accepting you for who you were. You don't have to be anybody else. So at that moment, I mean, did you feel like this?

SPEAKER_01 40:12

Yeah, I knew I knew that this is there's no turning back from this. This is a place. It's funny because my mom, she would say stuff like, I always prayed that you would find a church, but I never prayed for you to find a church that you're there all the time.

SPEAKER_00 40:23

You should have specified mom.

SPEAKER_01 40:24

But I always also know me. I also know the empty hands, and I find something to do with those hands. And so this gave me an avenue to stay busy with godly people. I think back and I had so many friends. I don't even know where they're at today. My friends are in church with me. They're doing the same things I do, they're loving the same events I do, and we don't drink and we have so much fun. I mean, there's nights I go to bed after fellowships when I cheat her from laughing so hard. It's just such a different life for me.

SPEAKER_00 40:50

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 40:50

And my mom, she absolutely loves our church. She doesn't come to our church, she still goes to the Baptist church. I think she's trying to keep up the record of the longest standing or something. But you know, when something happens, for instance, my father passed away. I was out of town when my father passed away. My mom calls me and she's sobbing, and as you would expect. And so she calls her pastor, and her pastor says something to the effect of, Oh, Kathy, I'm so sorry. I'll be praying for you. I call my pastor and said, Pastor, I'm not even in town. And before I hang up the phone, he and his wife, Nora, are at my mom's door. I mean, they're there. They stay with her till the funeral home comes. They stay with her through the whole process. Yeah. She says, I get calls from people from your church all the time. Hey, how are you doing? She says, Nobody calls me from my church. I'm in my mind, I'm like, then what are you waiting for? Just come with us.

SPEAKER_00 41:32

But it is you know, but no doubt her life has been transformed by watching you really live out a Christian life.

SPEAKER_01 41:41

I need to back up and talk about the gastric bypass, probably.

SPEAKER_02 41:44

Okay.

SPEAKER_01 41:44

Yeah. When I was 29 years old, my life was falling apart. Obviously, marriages is issues and all this kind of stuff. I'm still majorly overweight. And I meet this guy at a bar, and his name was Greg too.

SPEAKER_00 41:56

Anyway, I wow, we've got a lot of things in the story.

SPEAKER_01 41:59

So I meet this guy at a bar and he starts talking to me that he had gastric bypass done in Mexico. And he's like, hey, I'll tell you what, I'll take you over there. And so I don't really know this guy, but we hop in a truck and we drive three hours down into the inside of Mexico. I meet this guy who's a surgeon, and he says, I'll make you look like Brad Pete. So and so I'm all for looking like Brad Pete, and he schedules it for two weeks. And so I come back and I basically tell my mom, hey, this is what's gonna happen. And she's like having these prayers get the demons out of her son because we're in an industry where we watch a lot of people die having this surgery. Yeah. And so I just went down there and had the surgery and I came back. My self-image changed significantly because I went from like a 50-inch waist to a 29. Wow. In a matter of two months. It it changed significantly, and that gave me a little more boldness to be able to say, I'm not putting up with this anymore. So that plays into a lot.

SPEAKER_00 42:53

You know me, I'm curious of a lot of things now. Do you think that kind of gave you a wake-up call that you don't have to be treated like this by your wife? So obviously the results of that are not good.

SPEAKER_01 43:04

So that gave me a new freedom that I never had. Yeah. During that time, there was a lot of partners, and I'm doing all this crazy, insane stuff. And then this is where I just finally one day I wake up and I was like, This is insane. I can't live like this. I'm trying to find babysitters so I can go to the club. I when everything breaks loose and is done, that's when I'm just like, I can't live like any of this anymore. And I knew that my success, my financial status, my new freedom, all of this, I'm no longer bound to this woman that treats me bad. Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 43:41

That's why I asked, because I mean, we've been in ministry a long time. I don't say that to like shame you or put you on the spot, but I have been told crazy stuff. And it never shocks me because I always tell people sinners sin.

SPEAKER_02 43:53

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 43:53

That's what they do. That's the definition. If you said you were a Christian and you were doing this, I would be like, whoa, that's shocking. Sin or sin. And there is no end to the sin. It's not like, oh, well, I'm just a little bit of a sinner because I did this all of a sudden. It shows you that it doesn't matter where you come from, it doesn't matter how you grew up, it doesn't matter how good you look on the outside. We are all capable of horrendous things, deviancy and all kinds of sin. Everyone has their story to tell. And I say that because you realize how much you have to be grateful for. It's not just that, oh, I was a little bit of a bad person, but really, like you were broken. Yeah. And you had all the success. You had the money, you had the home, you had everything, notoriety and status, and still miserable. Obviously, that's my purpose in doing this, is to show that everyone, you look at you now, you're so put together by the grace of God. Yeah. Obviously, we don't have time to go into it, but God has blessed you so much just in the last few days, hearing all the things you've been able to do, all the things that God has helped you to do, your home, your family, your children, who half of them are in the ministry. I mean, it's just incredible. And to think that's because of Jesus, not you earned it. You know what I mean?

SPEAKER_01 45:12

I'm not going to say that our church is the only way to get to heaven, but I will tell you this walking into that church changed the trajectory of my life, and I've never been the same. We may not be the perfect church for everyone, but it was the perfect church for me.

SPEAKER_02 45:26

Absolutely.

SPEAKER_01 45:27

And without a doubt. And here we are 14 years later, and I wouldn't change a thing. I've got a pastor that he and his wife love us. We love them. I've got ministry that I never dreamed I would have had. And I've got friends that I can call at two in the morning, and guess what? They're going to be there for me. And so I wouldn't change a thing. Smartest thing I ever did was chase that girl to that church. Absolutely.

SPEAKER_00 45:51

Well, God uses whatever he needs to. And it's like a little carrot.

SPEAKER_01 45:54

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 45:55

But the thing that's beautiful about that is that you've still been blessed.

SPEAKER_02 45:58

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 45:59

But now you have a reason for that blessing. I mean, your business has grown. All the blessings have stacked up. You have the success and you have a notoriety, but now it's Jesus back.

SPEAKER_01 46:08

So when I came into church, obviously the success and all that was there. However, I didn't own anything. The bank owned everything. Now I actually own some stuff. And my reasoning is not to have my name on a building anymore. My reasoning is I do this for the glory of God. Because I'm a funeral director, I get to touch lives when people are hurting. Absolutely. And I always tell my mom this. She always talks about the whole thing, you want to be a preacher. And I always say, I think that God's part of having me a preacher is to preach to the people that I'm working with through them losing somebody. And a lot of times it's not even a word I say, it's them seeing my life. I do so much to the city. People I don't even talk to about God or Jesus. I get convicted because I don't say anything, but they'll call me and say, hey, I'm going through this. They can see a difference in my life. And that all has to do with just living a life for God. And that's what my goal is now. It's no longer living a life for Tim. It's a living life for God.

SPEAKER_00 46:59

No, absolutely. You preach by your actions. You really are preaching every day. Every time you open your mouth, you get to preach. And it may not be a sermon, but you definitely are a preacher of the gospel through all the opportunities you've had and all the lives that you literally every single day come in contact with.

SPEAKER_01 47:17

Well, and I'll end with this. And when we first got married, Barbara bought this plaque for the wall. Everybody likes it by these little plaques with great sayings. And it says, Sometimes the best sermons aren't preached, they're lived. And that's always stuck with me.

SPEAKER_00 47:29

Oh, that's great. I just want to say I really appreciate you taking the time to share your story. I know people are really going to enjoy it. I know sometimes it gets sensitive and it gets a bit emotional and stuff, but I'm so grateful.

SPEAKER_01 47:41

Yeah, thank you. And I'm grateful to have the opportunity to share it.

SPEAKER_00 47:44

Absolutely. Thank you so much.

SPEAKER_01 47:46

My life could have gone differently and we wouldn't be having this conversation.

SPEAKER_00 47:52

I want to take this time to say thank you to my listeners. Without a listener, the story can't be heard. If you would like to contact me with questions, comments, or ideas, you can do so through the podcast email, not the same.cfm at gmail.com. Take a moment to rate and review on whichever platform you're using, and above all, please share. Last but not least, I encourage you to take a moment and examine yourself. If you are not a Christian or perhaps are unsure, you can be. The Bible tells us that out of pure love, God sent his only son to die for our sins. A simple prayer is all it takes to acknowledge your sin, to recognize Jesus paid for that sin on the cross, and to sincerely ask for forgiveness. Until next time, this is Rachel Heinberg, and you've been listening to Not the Same.